A wonderful Glenn mama friend texted me this morning:
"How are you right now? (I can't answer general "how are you questions anymore so I try not to ask them either.)"
What a great question! My answer, I will disclose here in this quasi-public sphere:
"Love it! Yeah, I am holding steady with overall frenetic world/family. How about you?"
fre·net·ic /frəˈnedik/ adjective
1. fast and energetic in a rather wild and uncontrolled way.
Pandemic. Hurricanes. Wildfires. Another senseless shooting of a black man by police. Protests. Riots. Murder. Another senseless shooting of a child. Protests. Riots. Murder. Political conventions that dominate the media with a dizzying pendulum of hope and despair; pride and disgust, no matter which way you swing.
Another Zoom call dropped. A different username and password needed for every. single. site.
Students and teachers and parents and administrators frustrated.
Confusing news reports as politics and media meddles with research. Worrying about our church members and my loved ones in the hospital. Worried about healthcare workers and other frontline workers. Grateful for a telemedicine appointment and a prescription, but skeptical it's going to help my minor ailment, as I know good and well that my poor sleeping and eating right now is what is keeping me from my best health.
Yet...
Children laughing with delight as they beat me in another race with sidewalk chalk start & finish lines. Delight in the bag full of snacks and lunch provided by the county school system at the bus stop. Pride in my self-care as I unsubscribe from e-mail lists and social media that do not bring me joy. Teaching my kids to do the same with toys and clothes we don't need. Nothing quite as cute as a toddler scrunching his nose and holding up a junky plastic toy and saying in a high pitched voice, "Donate?!" (I think there's a book turned verb about this -- Marie Kondo?!)
Text threads that take days to respond to the correct one. Odd and sometimes hilarious texts from friends and families that were meant for someone else. At least it seems I'm not the only frenetic one these days! A few passing moments with my spouse to reminisce about B.C. (before COVID) and talk about our lofty dreams of a date night when this, too, finally passes.
And so I stop and breathe. And make that breath into a prayer. Breathe in...God be with me. Help me listen and focus and be present and forgive. Breathe out...God protect those in harm's way. God - please help us end the racism and violence and vitriolic divisiveness that is seeping into every area of our lives. Bring healing to those who are sick. God, there is not enough time nor words to pray for all the heartache of the world. Help us, God. Lead us, Lord. I don't even know what to pray.
My prayer is interrupted by my desire to "fix it" and I switch mental gears and go ahead and work on advertising our upcoming Praying in Color virtual workshop. I start drafting an e-mail on my laptop and then, once again, interrupted, "MOMMY!"
Kids rush excitedly into the dining room turned (hopefully) temporary office: "We did it! Teamwork makes the dream work! High five!" Pride and delight at finishing a puzzle brings me back to the present moment with gratefulness (and guilt) that my little corner of quarantine life isn't so bad.
With love and prayers from one frenetic life to yours!
Grace & Peace,
Rev. Susan Pinson