I’ve always loved the word, but, like other words I love, such as “forgiving” or “patient” or “good,” it’s easier admired than embodied. The word I’m thinking of is winsome. Take a moment and say it. It actually sounds like what it is.
The Oxford Shorter Dictionary gives it four definitions:
Pleasant, delightful, agreeable.
Kindly, gracious, merciful.
Pleasing or attractive in appearance; winning or innocently appealing in appearance, character, or manners, charming, engaging.
Cheerful, joyous.
I’ve known some winsome people. They’re the kind of people other people want to be around, or at least I do. They seem to know something the rest of us haven’t quite figured out. They walk through their days—or maybe I should say they linger in their days, because that’s what they seem to do, they linger—with gracious confidence.
Notice that I said “confidence,” not “certainty.” I might be splitting hairs, but I think there’s a difference. Confidence is about being; certainty is about belief.
There’s no shortage of certainty these days, and that’s a good thing, I guess. I mean I admire the conviction and strength of character. Yet… I also find that certainty is the “quality” shared by pretty much everybody that annoys me—on the left, on the right, or smack dab in the center. And by certainty, I mean CERTAINTY, the all-caps variety that assumes the worst of anyone who might disagree. The 21st-century version of self-righteousness, it seems to me, is self-certainty, and it’s just as judgmental and obnoxious. In fact, in my vast and indisputable experience (Look it up; I’m experienced), I’ve found that even uncertain people can be annoyingly certain in their absolute certainty that nothing is certain, and of that I’m certain, or even CERTAIN (“Do I contradict myself? I contain multitudes.”—Walt Whitman).
But to know yourself and what you believe and to allow others the space to be who they are—that’s gracious confidence, unthreatened and unthreatening—and that’s winsome, too. Winsomeness isn’t about shared opinions; it’s about shared humanity. Yes, there are important debates to be had, that must be had, but with what attitude do we begin?
Winsomeness is an attitude, a faith even. It’s a way through life. To be winsome is to anticipate, and so find, joy in our encounters. It is to meet people with the expectation that genuine relationship is possible and thus make possible genuine relationship.
So, during these weeks of Advent, a season of joy and expectation, let’s give winsomeness a try. Linger. Listen. Care. Welcome. Invite. Dare to be the first to smile, the first to say hello. I’m pretty sure that the person standing in front of you would benefit from a little kindness and grace, maybe even a dash of joy. And I’m absolutely certain you’re just the winsome person to offer it.
In Christ,
Mark Westmoreland